They Have Names…Just Like Us

This is one of what may be several posts on my recent trip to Haiti.  I was impacted and challenged in ways far beyond what I expected, and continually find myself drawn back to what I experienced…seeking God’s purpose in it all…this is one story about one kid I met while I was there.

Earlier this year I was taking an International Business Class.  Our big project for this class was to study and present on a hot topic in the realm of international business.  One of my teammates suggested that we use “human trafficking” as our topic of study.  As a christian I know such injustices exist and immediately jumped on the idea.  I only really thought of sex trafficking, as that seems to be the most widely thought of when it comes to modern-day slavery.  To research the project I dug through the CNN Freedom Project website and read Disposable People – New Slavery in the Global Economy by Kevin Bales, and referenced Sex Trafficking – Inside the business of Modern Slavery by Siddharth Kara.  I also read Good News About Injustice by Gary Haugen.  It was also during this time that I had been praying about and finally decided to go on the mission trip to Haiti.

It is estimated that about  27 Million slaves exist today, most of which are women and children.  I was surprised to find out that Haiti had its own form of slavery; they are called restavecs.

Fast forward to June 23.  I was climbing trees with one of the girls in the orphanage (I’ll share about her in another post).  We started in one tree…got yelled at because we seemed to attract older kids to a park that was meant for younger kids.  We relocated to a second tree, just as climbable, but closer to the “big kid” playground.  After 5 minutes or so in this tree…several other kids followed up after us.  Seriously, these kids are like monkeys!  They definitely put my tree climbing abilities to shame.  I’ll blame it on my age 🙂

Most of the other kids climbed up, but quickly jumped back down.  One kid, however, lingered in the trees with us.  He didn’t speak English, and the only word I could understand from him was belle, which means pretty.  Ti-Junior, was everywhere all week.  If we were with the orphanage kids (as was the case that day) he was there.  If we were at the feeding program (meant for the neighborhood kids) he was there.  If we were traveling through the neighborhood…he was there.  All week this kid (along with a few others) would show up.  I never knew who he was…local, orphanage kid, or what.

In the tree that day, however, I started to see a different side of him.  He braided my hair, and pretty much kept his hand on my arm.  It wasn’t weird or creepy at all…just childlike affection.  When I got out of the tree to sit on the swings, he followed…holding my hand and wanting to push me or be pushed on the swings.

After a few minutes, the “house mom” for the boys home came over.  She’s american, so I was able to ask her what Ti-Junior’s story was.  The other kids that were in the trees came over and were able to translate so that we could understand more of his story.

Basically this kid was a restavec who was able to run away and become free again.  His parents died, we think, in the earthquake that hit Haiti in 2010.  Apparently, he was found by a man who lets him sleep in a school each night, having to leave in the mornings before students arrive.  He’s 11 years old and has no one, and the fact that the man allows him to not sleep on the streets is a blessing.  Right now Child Hope doesn’t have room to bring him in, but according to the house mom, they have their eyes on him for when space opens up for more kids.

As the house mom shared with me his story, everything started to make sense.  I have no idea when the last time was that this little boy felt the hug of a mother or was ever told that he was loved…or even felt love.   I couldn’t help but wonder what goes on in his mind over the hand he’s been dealt in this life.  My heart broke.  It still breaks.  I can only hope that he felt the love of Christ as we played in the trees and on the swings…That he feels loved by the staff that remains in Haiti and by the other blancs (white people/americans) that come on short-term trips.

When I got back to the guest house that night it was time for dinner, but immediately afterward I ran up and sat on the roof.  I needed to be away from others so that I could just breathe and process the hurt I felt for this kid.  I must have cried for a total of 3 hours that night…praying, talking to God and sharing his story with my teammates.

I had studied the crazy reality of modern slavery, I presented on it…wrote about it.  I knew going there, that the issue was real.  I knew some of the kids in the orphanage were ex-restavecs.  But none of that fully prepared me for the moment that one of those kids went from being a statistic to being a real kid…a kid with a name, holding my arm, smiling back as I smiled at him.  In that moment I realized that each person that makes up that statistic has a name.  They are real.  They are like all other kids, wanting/needing affection and attention.  They want to know that they are loved and special.  Even as I type this, I’m not sure that I can do justice to the emotion welling up inside…nor to the gravity that this one experience…this one kid…has produced in my life.

One of the scariest, but often most rewarding things we can pray is to ask God to give us the eyes to see what he sees and the heart to feel what he feels toward the people we encounter.  I pray that often…and prayed it every day leading up to and during my time in Haiti.  Ti-Junior was just one example of how that prayer was answered during this trip.  My heart breaks for that little kid, but I would have it no other way.  I feel helpless in looking at his situation, but I know it has/will change me forever…even if I’m just barely scratching the surface at what that change is today.  God used him in an incredible way, I can only pray that one day he will know and believe the Love that our Heavenly Father has for him…that he would realize he IS special, regardless of what lies the enemy may feed him as he processes the circumstances that have come to define his life thus far.

Reflecting On God’s Faithfulness

There are times when I think I struggle with believing God.  I mean, I believe in Him, but sometimes it’s hard to believe Him for His promises…and to believe Him to fulfill the desires that are so actively resting within me.

At work today I had two different conversations that led to people asking about my life, my family…where I’ve come from.  I also had someone ask specifically how I went from being an atheist to a Christian.  These types of things don’t often come up, at least not at work.  As an educated and articulate woman, the outward appearance of my life doesn’t often reflect what I’ve come from.  Most would never know until they ask these deeper, more personal questions.  Sure, people know that I’m a Christian, but usually that’s because they know I do crazy things like spend my vacations serving in places like Haiti.  Or they know because of our debates on whether or not my conviction to only date Christian men is a “right” conviction or “too high of a standard”.  It’s rare in that environment that I’m able to provide context around why I feel so strongly that the life I live today is purely by the Grace of God.  The fact that I’m alive today and have the opportunities that I have is a direct reflection of God’s sovereignty, power and ability to change lives.  Today was a little different.  It was hard, because I never know what they’re thinking when I share my reality with them, but it was also pretty cool to live through the opportunity of sharing more with them.

Then, this evening I walked down to the docks to sit and chat with a friend.  While I was there another guy that I know just because he’s a local came over and sat with us.  This is a guy that I prayed for feverently for the first year or two that I lived in this neighborhood.  He’s a nice guy that I’d had random conversations with…about life and God and beliefs and what not.  The last time I saw him was about 2 months ago.  He walked by, and coldly ignored me when I said hi to him.  He had lost over 50 lbs.  From the looks of him, I knew he was shooting heroine.  I was sad that he ignored me, but sadder still at the realization of how much trouble he was in…drowning in his addiction.  Today he looked better.  He shared with us the fact that he’d been clean for 2 weeks.  My suspicions were correct from the last time I saw him, but he’s now going to meetings a few times a day, every day.  He’s still unsure of what higher being is over this world, but He is earnestly trying to get clean and stay that way.  Eventually,  our conversation led to how faithful God is and how much of a blessing life is…especially when we’re giving second chances…the second chance that he’s now starting to live in.  He recognizes the gift of life that he’s been given, and though he remains unsure of Jesus and the Lord,  I was so glad to talk to him and to celebrate his two weeks of sobriety.

Tonight as I was reading the Word and meditating on the day’s events, I was brought back to the idea of God’s faithfulness.  God is able to do so much in our lives…and with our lives…no matter the pit that we start from or find ourselves in.  God has literally built my life from ashes…despair, anger and regret.  I can see the power he has exhibited in my life and so many lives of the brothers and sisters I meet.  Conviction sneaks in as I realize the steadfastness of his love and my lingering doubt of what God can and will do in this life.  Sometimes it’s difficult to believe God for what he is currently doing, when we can’t see the finished product before our eyes.  yet we must!  Hebrews 11 states it this way:

“Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen” 

After reading this tonight my ADHD eyes shot up a few lines prior to Hebrews 10 where I read this:

“Therefore brothers, since we have confidence to enter the holy places by the blood of Jesus…and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith with our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water.  Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering for he who is promised is faithful.  And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works not neglecting to meet together as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.” (vs. 19-25)

We have a God who is so faithful, loving, and forgiving.  He has been at work in our lives and continues to move in accordance with his pleasure and will.  He desires to bless those who continually seek him earnestly (Heb. 11:6).  It may be difficult to believe him when the resolve seems no where in sight, but as the one who stands unchanged…His past faithfulness in our lives serves as an indicator that He who began a good work in us will continue it to its full completion (Phil 1:6).  When unbelief sets in, how rewarding it is to remember and praise him for the Work we have already seen him complete…may that stir us on to believe for those things not yet seen in their completed form…as Hebrews 11:1 states…THIS is faith.

“for the mountains may depart and the hills be removed, but my steadfast love shall not depart from you and my covenant of peace shall not be removed says the Lord, who has compassion on you.” (Isaiah 54:10).  

Back From Haiti

I came home from Haiti last night.  It was about 11:45 PM or so when I walked in the door.  I dragged myself out of bed this morning to go to church.  Walking there I noticed that about half of my 10 minute walk to church included a trail of blood stains, culminating (at least for me, in the direction I was walking) with a large splatter of blood.  I’m thinking the point at which the fight…or most likely the stabbing occurred.  When I walked out of church, I found myself surrounded by men in skirts…or Kilts as they are formally called.  Apparently the annual Irish Festival is happening in my town today.  I went into Starbucks…unable to decide what coffee I wanted to order.  Now I sit quietly at home, doing laundry…and trying to process what I just experienced with my team…and with God in Haiti.  Tomorrow I go back to work. Apparently life didn’t stop because I left the US for a week to share God’s love with others.

Haiti connected with my heart in a way that rivaled the feelings I experienced in Japan…as no other trip or place has in the past.  Maybe I’m tired, or maybe it will take a little while to actually make sense of the things I struggle to find words to express today.  Was it always this hard?

Hopefully over the next few posts I will be able to share my experience in Haiti…the eyes that God gave me.  The moments His Spirit came alive.  As well as the lessons that The Lord wove into my heart.

The only thing I really know for sure is that the descent into our first US airport ushered in a sense of sadness.  This is usually the case for me.  I never feel like this is home, but I have to leave that with God to reconcile for Himself.

Thinking about Haiti

I am counting down the days until I step foot on the soil of another land.  As we get closer, the apprehension or anxiety I felt over how I might respond fades away to simple excitement.  I have been praying for the girls of the orphanage, specifically, for the past few weeks.  This weekend I compiled some prayer cards that were handed out in church this morning.  With that effort I was able to read more of the stories of the kids in the boys home, as well as some more specifics around Child Hope International and the work they’re doing…and the needs they’ve specifically requested prayer for.  With every prayer lifted the desire to go has increased within my heart.

I’ve recently realized that I have followed God to many nations, with each journey I have been exposed to increasing poverty.  While not my first 3rd world country experience, it is the poorest nation in the Western Hemisphere.  In some ways I’ve heard that it looks as if the earthquake happened yesterday.  Much of the mess remains…and with the most recent flooding they experienced its more of the same…more mess that goes untouched…ignored.

I can’t help but ask what God will do during the time we are there.  Though I reside in the US, my missionary heart is still alive and active.  I’m ready (I think) to see this nation through His eyes and to love on the city of Port au Prince by showing God’s love in tangible ways.  I want to stumble my way through my long-forgotten French, braid hair and dance to worship music.  I want to watch the city at sunrise and worship God with others who are rejoicing in him despite the difficult circumstances and life they have been given.  I want to watch love and comfort and encouragement manifest in tangible ways.  I want to watch my team experience God move in ways never thought to be possible.  I want to follow…and see where the Spirit leads.

Abba, Father, You know the plans and work you have planned.  My heart is longing to see your hand moving in Haiti.  I want to see the prayers of unity among believers that your Son Jesus spoke in John 17 come alive as you bridge your believers from Haiti with those of us from the US.  You are the true healer in all ways that we need healing and I praise you for that.  Thank you for entrusting my team and I with this journey.  Show off that you name would be known and recognized as the true Living God.  Lord you know the unique life you have given me…use this time to Glorify your name.  I am an instrument in your hands…continue the work you have already begun.
Amen. 

A Single Girl’s Valentine

Valentine’s Day is here again.  Another year is passing by.  As everyone else in the world will be fighting dinner reservations and receiving Jewelry, I’ll be sitting at home praying that the local grocery store will still have a decent box of chocolates for me when I go in the day after to buy myself a valentines heart of chocolate.

When in a relationship, this is a day you look forward to… a day that celebrates the love you share.  When you’re single, this is a day you dread for no other reason than it being a holiday that forces you to face your fear that you will be alone…forever.

This year, as with the past 7 years, I am my own valentine.  While I wish I could say this for all the years past, this year I’m okay with this reality. I was talking to a sweet friend the other day about shared experiences and realities.  She asked me how I do it; how do I maintain hope and faith in the midst of the loneliness that I feel and the singleness that has come to define much of my walk with the Lord.   I took a second to answer…I have spent so much time waiting…wanting…longing, that I think I can honestly say that all those “lines” that silly Christian books feed to 20-something single women might have some truth within them…

Silly Book Idea #1 – God is Preparing You

To live this single life I need the Lord first and foremost.  I haven’t “made it”.  I’m not at that mysterious pinnacle of singleness where I’m 100% always okay with this relationship status, but as with many of the experiences and pains and struggling that we experience in life, God is using it to produce a stronger hope, faith and a growth in character.  James 1:2-4 talks about how trials produce steadfastness.  (Sure, I consider singleness a trial…especially at the rate that I’m going 🙂 .  Singleness is a time of preparation and work…just as courtship/dating and marriage brings other aspects of growth and character development.

Silly Book Idea #2 – God’s Love is Enough

First off, I have a lot to grow in this area, believe me…I’m not saying I have this all figured out.  But I do know that as I continue to understand and experience moments of feeling completely and utterly loved by God I am strengthened by this idea that if his love was enough for “single me” yesterday, it’ll be enough for “single me” tomorrow.  From this, I take each day, one at a time.  I’m not stuck in the past, regretting all my mistakes, nor am I so worried about the future that I’m forgetting to live today.  Sure,    there have been times when I have wept over the desire for God to be enough, and I’m sure I’ll have many more days where I cry the same prayers.  But there is no substitute to knowing and believing the scriptures regarding the power of God’s love to sustain us, regardless of relationship status and regardless of circumstance or trials we face.  This goes beyond Valentine’s Day woes, but His Love is what will get us through the Holiday…so if you don’t get it…pray for it…and you’ll see ❤

Silly Book Idea #3 – Singleness allows Space to Serve God

As I answered my friend’s question, I realized that I began talking about this idea of being able to minister because I have been single…and as I talked, I found myself getting choked up…realizing the depth of truth that this single factor has had in my life.

Many of us, during our single years, spend much of our time dreaming, analyzing the hands of the men we encounter (looking for rings, of course), walking into rooms, scanning for a possible Mr. Wonderful.  We journal and in our private prayers, we cry out…we wait for Mr. Right, because apparently when we meet him, life can finally start.

WRONG.

Life is happening all around us, right now.  Sometimes we think that singleness takes us out of the game completely, but really it opens up windows of opportunity to serve God in ways that relationships and marriage don’t allow (at least not as freely).  Waiting is not some dormant activity – it is an opportunity to live life fully devoted to the Glory of God…RIGHT NOW!!!

When I was 21 or 23, I saw marriage as the tool through which I would be able to minister, but the truth is that it is often through singleness that we have the freedom and the flexibility to really serve and love those around us in very unique ways.  I had read this in books for years, yet while I was talking to my friend the other night; I realized just how true the idea actually is.  I’m not saying that relationships disqualify you from serving or glorifying God.  Hear me, if you are single…God has uniquely given you an opportunity to serve him in a way that others around you may not be able to.  Use this time of waiting for Mr. Right to not sit around sulking, but use it to serve and love God, because at the end of the day…that is what matters…how we loved God and how we loved others because of our understanding of His Love toward us.

As I drove home last night, this song weighed heavy on my heart…for single women who are waiting and hurting this Valentines Day.  It is also relevant for married women waiting for their husbands to know the Lord or return to Him.

It’s Valentines Day, and while many are celebrating, I know that many are also hurting deeply because of unmet desires, longing hearts and “unanswered prayers”.  Listen to this song and be encouraged.  Regardless of the situation, God is working, He loves you, He is changing you…and there is no better day than today for you to serve  and worship Him.

Abba, Lord, my heart is heavy tonight.  The names of a few women are on my heart…and I know many more are out there dreading Feb. 14th to arrive.  Lord please be with them.  Help open their eyes to the reality of your love for them.  The reality that you chose them.  And that 2000+ years ago, you delivered a valentine…a profession of your love…through the death and resurrection of your Son, Jesus.  Valentines day brings with it so much celebration of love, but so much resentment and pain in those who are single.  God, please reveal yourself as the true and ultimate source of love…bring glory to your name…and pour your love and comfort out to those who are needing it the most tonight.  It is by the name of your Son, Jesus, I pray. Amen.