Faith Or A Lack of Vision?

I just got back from a 1 week mission trip in Haiti.  It was my 2nd time in that country and my 4th time walking the streets of a 3rd world country.  It was both incredible and difficult…it moved my heart in painful ways and joyful ways.  The entire time my brain spun around the ideas of spiritual transformation, discipleship and organizational development.  I thought about the neighborhood, the kids in the orphanage and the staff of the organization.  I wanted so badly to talk out loud, to process and to dream, but I couldn’t.  In addition to painting and doing odd jobs that needed to get done around the orphanage, our team took the kids to VBS so that the staff could have a weekend retreat.  My team went with the kids while I went with a board member to lead some training and team building sessions with the staff during their retreat weekend.  By the time I re-connected with my 17 other teammates, I began to see and feel like I had been on a completely different mission trip…different from them…and different from anything I had ever done or seen God do with and through me on previous mission trips.

Last night I spent some time with a family I knew from a previous church.  They were missionaries for years and know that God has given me a strong heart for missions.  When they asked me about my most recent international adventure I gladly shared about Haiti and how I saw God’s heart unveiled during those short 7 days.  A family friend later followed up by asking me what I was planning for my next overseas adventure.  I was not ready for that question…

Truth is, I have nothing planned.  There was a time when I had my entire life planned.  My sense of calling was so sound and sure.  Which is funny because none of those things that I was so sure about have played out the way I expected or wanted or thought they would.  The process of transformation and sanctification that accompanied my pursuit of those plans makes me confident that God’s hands were all over that time in my life.  Oddly enough, as that season of intense growth/healing/transformation was coming to an end, I came to sense that God was asking me to hold my life plans open-handed and trust Him for what He had in store…

Since then I have clung to Hebrews 11:8 as my “this season of life” verse and have followed the leading of God and the doors he’s opened.  He’s taken me see His work in Ghana and Haiti.  I’ve watched God work in Annapolis through church plants (modeling 2 different yet beautiful expressions of church).  I have been actively involved in church and ministry…seeing both success and failures accompanied by growth and God’s Glory.  Now, with this most recent trip, I find myself wrestling with the idea of calling and trusting and being “open-handed” more than I have in years.

I can’t remember what or how I actually responded to last night’s question, “what’s next?”  I’m struggling to process my last trip, which, if I’m honest, was the most personally challenging mission trip/ministry event that I’ve been involved with.  I’m trying to sort through Truth and the marks of the enemy…pride and expectations…my hand forcing things vs. a glimpse at what the Lord is doing.   At the end of the day I’m standing here still not knowing exactly what I want to be or will be when I grow up.

Oh, I am open…open to whatever the Lord has…but I stare blankly ahead (or maybe I’m open to everything that is something other than this seemingly ambiguious state that I seem to be in today).  Is it because the Lord is wanting me to rely on Him for today and not worry about tomorrow?  Or am I wandering around this life haphazardly because I have no vision for a specific goal or purpose?  I wish I knew…I want so badly to know, but I don’t.  I mean, I am certain that God put me on that team that went to Haiti last week, He’s allowed me to sit where I’m sitting today and I might even be able to guess what will happen tomorrow…to some extent.  But in the grand scheme of things I have no idea what will come to be.  (I’m a big picture person…believe me when I say this drives me crazy).

As my friend’s question, “what’s next” mixes in with all the processing and contemplation I’m doing over my most recent trip, I feel myself getting stuck on the ideas of faith vs. vision.  How do we reconcile having a vision for life and ministry while  walking with God open-handed, trusting that He will guide and direct our steps?  Am I selling myself short because I have lost that sense of vision and purpose that I once had?  Or is my Faith growing stronger because, as Abraham did, I find myself in a season of walking with and serving God, not knowing exactly where I am going to end up?  (OR for sake of being relevant to the question at hand: not knowing where I’m going to be sent next, what I will do there and for how long I will stay…)
Am I the only one who struggles with having vision vs. having faith when you can’t see farther than two steps ahead?  I can’t be…

Where Are All The Female Leaders?

I have said this before, I know, but I work in a male dominated industry.  At my location specifically there are about 200 people.  Of those, 8 of them are women.  I don’t know of a single female “location” manager…at least not one that I can recall, and those who have held other management positions at each “location” are far and few between.  While, I expect this kind of thing in my industry, I’m also realizing that the lack of female leaders spreads across industries, for-profit and not-for-profit alike.

For years, the woman’s voice grew louder and louder…trying to push through the glass ceiling that our male colleagues seemingly kept over us.  And women have made progress, but the reality is…they’re still highly under-represented in higher level leadership roles.  What’s going on?

What if, the problem isn’t what we thought it was?

Now men, hear me out…I’m not going to bash you…promise 🙂

What if the problem isn’t so much the glass ceiling, but rather is us women, ourselves?  What if the way has been paved?  What if the biggest hinderance is the woman staring back at us in the mirror?

I listened to a short lecture this evening by Sheryl Sandberg, COO at Facebook about Women in the workplace.  It was rather interesting and is linked at the bottom of this blog.  In her talk she challenges women to be mindful of our own roles in our own careers and our destiny therein.

She brings to light that women are less aggressive, less likely to negotiate or jump at positions, more inclined to deny personal credit for their accomplishments, and often have a lot more to balance and consider when it comes to furthering their career…especially with regards to family and their roles once they get home.  As a result, we tend to take ourselves out of the game much quieter and quicker than our male counterparts.

I’m not a wife and mother, so I don’t really understand that part of the balance, at least not in an experiential sense, but I did recognize and relate to a few of the pitfalls that Sheryl mentions in her brief talk.  I never really thought of them as setbacks, but its something for me to reflect on over the coming months…

What if, for us women, we really are our own worst critic?  What it’s because of our own actions (or lack thereof) that we don’t make it into that corner office with a view?  And if this has been the trend for the women before us, how will we, the younger generation of women in the workforce, move to change those tendencies so that we are able to accomplish all that we are skilled and desire to do?  Man up…and Move up, of course…with our foot on the Gas going full speed ahead!

Be prepared for a bump or two: driven, powerful women are often not liked very much and will probably be called a name or two along the way.  If all else fails, you can always turn to Ben and Jerry’s and your favorite glass of red wine to help console you.

Here is Sheryl’s talk on You Tube:

 

Looking for A Place To Stand:

Understanding the Views of Women in Ministry and resulting implications for Today 

Have you ever wondered how it is that so many of the churches that exist today, while all in agreement of who Christ is and the major elements of the Gospel that includes our sin and consequential salvation because of Him, differ in such vast ways when it comes to other theological or doctrinal ideas.  Debates continue to exist and thrive over topics such as free-will and predestination, the ministration of spiritual gifting and what the end times may be or look like.  I question and ponder this phenomenon often, especially when, depending on who you talk to and how well they can communicate their views, scriptural evidence is found as utilized at the root of their beliefs.     

Generally, when we approach such topics, we come at them with our own biased lenses, carrying with us the ideas and preconceived notions imbedded in us from our own history of teachings, readings, and personal research.  We can easily dismiss the alternative ideas, because in our minds, scripture can only say one thing – and that one thing, just happens to line up with the pre-determined belief that we carry into the debate/discussion.  Rarely are we open to alternative ideas…rarely do we go to the very things we are taught to critically examine and compare our ideas with the other views that continue to thrive in churches and seminaries today.  Rarely do we truly examine why two people with the same bible and a similar commitment to Christ, can hold to and exhort very different theological viewpoints.  

Before I continue, let me clarify this one thing: I’m not promoting an adherence to relativism – meaning scripture may mean different things to different people and that’s okay.  NO!  I believe truth is absolute.  BUT I also cling to Deuteronomy 29:29 which states that the “secret things belong to the Lord…but the things revealed to us belong to us…forever.”  I don’t think it’s appropriate to say all views are correct.  To say that is to say that scripture is not absolute and that scripture can and will contradict without loosing its credibility.  I strongly disagree.  I do, however, look at the existence of such widespread and long-standing debates and realize that either we’ve really missed the mark, or we’re beginning to assert absolute revelation in areas where God may have intended mystery to exist.  I grant God the credit to any and all knowledge and scriptural understanding that I may have today, but I also acknowledge my own fallen nature…realizing that what I know or think I know now…may only be a knowledge in part, and that one day, I, as with all of us, will, by God’s grace know in full (1 Corinthians 13:9-12).        

So… 

Several months ago, I was reading through Titus.  I became extremely burdened by the idea of intergenerational ministry for women.  As I started praying for these ideas, my sensitivity for women in the church grew.  Suddenly, everywhere I looked I began to see opportunities available for men to grow and develop in their gifting, but no alternative offering for women.  I began to see gaps in the utilization of women in Christian events and in church ministries.  My own desire to grow in my gifting and better use them for the Church grew tremendously.  I tried to close my eyes and look away.  For some reason, fear perhaps, I wanted to avoid having to examine the issues of gender roles and ministry.  Lucky for me…I can’t shake it.  Everywhere I turned the ideas came up and I began to realize that this is a path may be putting before me.  For the past 6 weeks or so, I’ve been pondering over and reading about the various views of gender and ministry roles.  The more I look…the more I realize that several views are supported…and all of those views claim to grow from scripture.   

I started on this journey thinking there are only 2 views:  The first being that only man can lead and shepherd in churches and in the family, the second being that men and women were created equal and should be viewed as such both in the home as well as in the church.  What I’m discovering, however, is that while these views are very prominent they are only 2 in a circle of many.  I know what I believe today, but do I only believe that because it’s the only view I’ve been taught?  I find myself surrounded by questions:  

Why is it that women are less allowed to lead and minister in churches, but then you see ministries of Beth Moore, Kay Author, and Nancy Ortberg which are thriving…and allowed…and encouraged? 

Why is it that more and more women are becoming ordained? 

Why is it that the Catholic Church threatened to excommunicate any priest who supports the ordination of a female priest?

Why is it that everyone seems to know what the bible says, yet so little agreement is found?

What does God really want?  What does scripture say?

And perhaps more personally, 

What are the implications for all of this for me and the roles that I may or may not be allowed to have?  What does this mean for the gifting others have claimed to see in me?  Did God give this to keep to myself?  Or did He distribute them so that his kingdom might grow? 

I am full of questions, and I’ve barely started out on this journey of discovery.  I acknowledge that I walk into this with my own preconceived notions.  I acknowledge that what I discover may produce convictions that may go against what I’d like to do in life, or may further open doors for serving and encouraging spiritual growth for others around me.

 The questions are many…The time is exhausting…but regardless, I invite my readers to join me as I journey to find a place to stand, not only as a woman, but also as a leader and a  Child of God.