Remembering The Gospel

I don’t know how long its been…6 months, 10 months…a year, maybe.  However long…I feel like I’ve been walking through this time where things have been really hard for me.  I’ve struggled and suffered in many ways.  God has opened my eyes to the reality of the depth of my selfishness, forced me to embrace loneliness in ways I never really had as a Christian, brought insecurities to the surface, and allowed me to experience the truth of the statement “the harvest is plenty but the workers are few”.  I’ve been hurt and confused by people in my church body.  One thing after another…and the truth is it’s been really hard.  Somewhere along this season I started to give up.  Fervent prayer waned, my witness, possibly, faded out, church and all that I was doing with it became a checklist…tasks that I would check off…motions I would go through.  Work got hard, homework got harder…and finding time for God seemed to be the hardest.

I’ve known for a while that I’ve been “off”.  God has been with me this whole time, don’t get me wrong…I’ve experienced glimpses of His Grace and Victory over this time, but the reality is this is the season God has allowed me to walk.  And scripture provides confidence that regardless of how I’m feeling, He’s with me…with all of His sons and daughters.

Could this time be an opportunity to cling to him more?  An opportunity to un-clench my hands from around every “good” bad thing that I had been holding to…those things that were maintaining a false sense of security in my walk with God?

Perhaps a little bit of all of the above.

Today I struggled with a single sentance that a friend spoke to me recently.  It drove directly into an insecurity that I’ve always struggled with perhaps most of my life.  I tried everything I knew to do…and it kept eating at me.

Tonight I picked up a little book that someone gave to me as I shared with them my thoughts that I had lost touch with the Gospel.  It’s called the Gospel Primer.  by Page 2 of the first part of the book…I found myself stuck – and this what I realized as I meditated on the truths and scriptures presented…

The Gospel is the power of God.  We see glimpses of God’s power all around us…the winds of a hurricane, the eruption of a volcano, but it’s the Gospel (and Christ) that scripture actually identifies as being the power of God.  The Gospel is there both for unbelievers as well as believers.  Hebrews 4:2 acknowledges that it is the Gospel united with faith that brings about change and growth and fruit in the lives of those who hear it.  Could it be that faith too will wane  or falter over time if not coupled with the Gospel?  If so…thats the story of the season I’ve been walking through…and tonight it helped shed light on a lot thats happened during this time.

I realized that after battling a single lie today, the reality is that it has no power over me when it stands in comparison to the Gospel – the fact that Christ was crucified and died for our sins and that God is in the process of renewing and restoring people to the fullness of what He intended for his creation.

The Gospel is the power of God…tonight it helped immensely to remember it and meditate upon it.

Abba, thank you.  for meeting me tonight.  for hearing my heart cries and being faithful to meet me in this place.  God, help me to remember your Gospel help me to use it to combat the condemnation that comes from my doubts and insecurities.  Lord, help me to forgive my friend’s words…and the words of several others who have also fed the insecurity that ate at me today.
For that I need you, please…
Please restore the truth of your Gospel to it’s proper place in my heart and mind. Thank you for your love…and your word…and the gift of Grace that you lavish upon my life.
Amen.

A Little Spoon Waiting For A Big Spoon

I want to write, but the only thing on my mind is the relationship status I have posted on my Facebook:  “Single”.

This past week I went to Reno for a company meeting.  On the first night there we had a welcome reception.  Everyone and their spouses attended for appetizers, drinks, and socializing.  I ran into a plant manager that I worked for a few years ago.  He introduced me to his wife and then asked if I brought anyone with me.  No, I didn’t.  Do I ever?

A few weeks ago a friend made a passing comment about how content I was and how at peace I seemed when it came to relationships.  Perhaps I am content at times, but inwardly I rollercoaster over the reality of my singleness.  There are days and times when do feel at peace reflecting on my lack of romantic relationships.  Empowered, even.  There are other days, however, when I find myself frustrated, confused, filled with longing and desire.  If I’m honest I can confess those days where I scope out every guy in a room, assessing potential.  Yup, some days I’m that girl – the ones the authors of Christian dating books warn against and tell you to never become.  Yup, that’s me, probably all of us at some time or another.  

I’m surrounded by other singles who I know have longing.  I hear it in conversations, I see it in actions taken with the wrong guys/girls.  I have longing too, you know.  I hurt too.  I want them to know that I’m not a superwoman who has it all together.  I’m in the same boat…part of me hurts for all of us sitting at the single table.  

I recently prayed with a friend who is  probably walking into the beginning of the end of a relationship with the wrong kind of guy.  She sincerely hurts, and as we prayed I also got choked up thinking about the turmoil in her.  She spoke about how she doesn’t want to miss out on what God might do in this guy’s life…you know, to turn him around.  I later told her that it was okay (and normal) to acknowledge her hurt over the idea that the end of this relationship is, once again, the beginning of singleness.  Singleness – that time in life when you just don’t know who or what God has on the way…or if that person even exists. 

I recently read that God will sometimes allow revival or spiritual highs to help give strength to get through those times we spend walking in the valley of  everyday life.  Maybe that idea can also be applied to our walks as single people.  We all will experience moments of strength where we completely embrace our single life.  We experience freedom from the paralyzing, unmet desires of our hearts…and it’s great!  But perhaps, more often than not, we find ourselves in the valley of longing and desire.  As we may spend much more of our time there, remember the heights to which we’ve been and meditate on them as we walk through (not around or above or below…but THROUGH) those valleys of longing and desire.  Those memories mark divine moments in our walks with God…when we focus and reflect upon them we are by default also focusing and reflecting on Him and what He’s done.  Bringing that perspective into the forefront of our minds will help to refocus our attention away from the circumstances of today (walking in a valley of loneliness) and back on to God.  I know we will begin to see glimpses of Him and His presence with us in that valley…and that should offer the strength and ability we need to walk on in a way that is still glorifying to Him. 

I thinks its naïve to expect those longings and desires to never awaken.  I that eventually we will all walk through a valley or two (it may be singleness, or a job, or illness, or whatever).  It’s not whether we hit that valley that matters…it’s how we journey through it – the decisions we make, the actions and responses we have, and the focus of our minds; that’s what really matters. 

I’m walking in that valley today.  Walking strong…stumbling along…regardless I’m continually being held up (or picked up) by God.  For that I am ever grateful.

Child Phobias and Church Consumerism

Considering how my last church plant update spoke of my new church taking me out of my comfort zone of being around singles to being around many young families, I thought it would be appropriate to update on my first day volunteering with our children’s Sunday School.   

Let me set the stage, my church is about 27 adults, too many kids to count, and we meet in a house.  The adults have church in the living room, the kids have Sunday school in the dining and second living room.  Today, I was volunteered to do the kids church (I’d like to say I saw the need and rose to the occasion, but really, I stepped up because I was specifically asked to do it).  I was nervous, not knowing what we were studying and not wanting to mess anything up, I walked in to a story, a few questions, and a not-yet-defined craft project.  Things went okay for most of the morning, I had a great helper who got snacks and helped me as needed.  Then…almost as if they had devised this sneaky little plan…one by one, each one of the youngest kids had to use the potty.  

Okay, story time I can handle.  Craft time, snack time, play time…I get it.  BUT POTTY TIME…what am I supposed to do with that??  Was this part of the deal?  Seriously!

I mean, how much do I help…  

Do I help at all? 
Do you wipe? 
Do they wipe? 
Do I wipe? 
I don’t know!!! 

You wouldn’t think that something as simple as a bathroom break would send me over the edge, but it did.  By the time the last one looked at me and told me he got peepee on his pants, I nearly lost it.  I thought it was my fault for not knowing how much help these kids needed to go potty. And now, I had to face the parents, asking for a spare set of pants and underwear.      

I never realized how scary it can be to be pushed beyond your comfort zone.  I’ve gone to other countries, stepped into places and towns and felt a change or discomfort that was so much more manageable than feeling utterly clueless with those kids and their active bladders today.  Even as the pastor smiled at me being pushed into the “unknown”, anxiety fought within me to bring tears to the surface (for the record, I didn’t cry…this time). 

After church, as we fellowshipped over salad, I listened as the pastor spoke about the consumerist mentality of church that exists today.  Specifically how we’re all walking out of that environment into a house church that will only survive if we learn to rely and support each other.  There is a culture change that must happen – from the consumer mentality to one that is humble and service focused.  With the anxiety of my morning was still fresh, I couldn’t help but feel a twinge of conviction when the pastor made his comment.  Okay, maybe not so much a “twinge”, maybe it was more like a punch!  After all, I haven’t jumped at the opportunity to serve my church.  I bring food each week, but that has gone from a thing I love to an action I almost loathe because it’s now expected of me.  I only do kids church if they ask me.  Maybe I’m not as much of a servant as I thought I was… 

This afternoon, being pushed to walk through my discomfort and serve my church with the kids, I realized something about myself.  I’ve talked so much and criticized the modern church for its consumerism.  The consumers go on Sunday Morning, and church administrators make sure the right programs are in place to feed them.  I have criticized this so much…only to realize today that I am that church.  I am the consumer.  I am the Christian who looks at Sunday service for what I can get out of it and not for what the body needs.  I have this sense of entitlement that my needs must be first met before I can really work to meet the needs around me.  I am the Christian who can look around and see all that’s wrong in the world around her…and completely miss how well she actually blends in.  The amusing thing is that it took a 2 yr old with wet pants to finally open my eyes to that reality.

 Oh Lord, please take this heart of mine.  God it seems so off and so far from what you would have.  Please forgive my self-centeredness.  Please help me to embrace this church with the mission of bringing the promise and experience of your redemption and kingdom to those in my midst.  Please take my eyes away from the mirror and place their focus on your heart.  Please God.  Please.           

Substitution

This quote was found in the dicsipleship book I’m using with a girl I’m discipling.  It’s in reference to our sin and Christ’s sacrifice.  I thought it was good enough to share.  

“The concept of substitution may be said to lie at the heart of both sin and salvation.  For the essence of sin is man substituting himself for God, while the essence of salvation is God substituting himself for man.  Man asserts himself against God and puts himself where only God deserves to be; God sacrifices himself for man and puts himself where only man deserves to be.  Man claims prerogatives with belong to God alone; God accepts penalties which belong to man alone.”  ~John Scott

 

The only thought that I have now is…”Dang!”