I’m sure that it would come as no surprise to say that pornography is a rampant struggle in the church. The industry revenues about $57 Billion worldwide and no one would dare say that the church is exempt from contributing to this. The thing that might be a shocker, however, is the relevance of pornography and sexual addictions amongst women…and yes, this is especially true in the church.
Did you know that 1 out of every 3 people that access adult websites are women?
Did you know that 9.4 million women access adult sites each month?
Did you know that almost 20% of all women struggle with pornography (this equates to 1 out of every 5 or 6 women)
And you probably wouldn’t know any of this because about 70% of those women who are struggling with pornography are keeping their activities a secret.
My question is, if the statistics are so clear on whether or not women struggle with this, why has the church, for the most part, not yet addressed this issue? For the last nine years I have sat in churches and listened to pastors speak about sin and temptation. Whenever pornography is thrown out there it is always addressed to the men! And what I mean is explicitly saying, “men…pornography…etc, etc, etc.” When pornography is addressed with women, it is most often in the context of their response to the struggles that their husbands have.
Some might argue that women and pornography should not be addressed from the pulpit, but rather in the context of a women’s ministry. Okay, I disagree…I think all sin, if it is being addressed from the pulpit, should not be spoken of or referenced as only applying to some people. We are all filled with struggles, temptations, and sins of all types. Why present them to the people attending as if it only applies to one specific type of person? What about that one person who is not part of that select group, but carries the same struggle? Do we lead them to believe that they are alone in this struggle? Because that’s just what happens. It breeds a sense of isolation and shame…which inevitably causes those struggles to become deep buried secrets in their lives…and when it’s buried deep, in secret, the potential for it to continue or even grow is granted.
Even in the context of women’s ministries, I have not seen this issue addressed adequately. A few years ago I was asked to help facilitate a 1 day women’s conference. The idea was to bring women together, young and old, to discuss ideas that are relevant to our identities in christ. I was a youth leader at the time so I lead the breakout session for the pre-teens and teens. My co-facilitator had the breakout session for the older women. During her session she brought up the topic of pornography and masterbation. Several of the more outspoken women in the group were not at all receptive, and actually repulsed by the idea that she felt the need to address those issues with them. What? Really? I am saddened to say that this attitude is only perpetuated by the church’s choice to only view pornography in a “men’s issue” vacuum.
The most discouraging aspect of the church not taking initiative or choosing to live in a bubble on this issue is that studies reveal that while less women than men are viewing pornography, the women are far more likely to act out on these temptations, engaging in sex with several partners, causal sex, and even affairs. If the issue is not addressed, the church passively perpetuates the shame within those women who do struggle in this way. I have talked to many women about this…feeling alone, filled with shame, confused and stuck in their struggles. Since it is not addressed, there seems, for them, to be no avenue for honesty about their sin, nor any seemingly safe outlet to discuss and find accountability for their struggles.
Clearly, the statistics point to the fact that the one woman sitting in the church on sunday morning, knowing her struggle, is not as alone as she feels. The pastor may be speaking about pornography to the men in the room, but she is not alone in her struggle. She needs to know (as we all do with whatever our darkest, private struggles may be), that she is not the only one. She is not alone and there is freedom and strength available to her first from God and second from a community of sisters that may not yet know what they can do for each other.
Why has the church not yet opened up this possibility for the women in their congregations?
Several years ago I went to Ghana to speak with teens about God. During that time I had probably 20 or 30 different girls come up to me specifically asking for prayer over their interest in (and in some cases addictions to) pornography. All of them told me that they had no one that they could talk to about this. I think they came to me because I was a Godly women, but also a stranger, a person who did not know them well enough to judge them and would not be there long enough to ostracize them. These were teenagers! And I’m telling you, it’s not an isolated experience in Ghana…it is just as prevalent here on the home front.
I’m just venting this because after years of being in the church, discussions with other women and men…I realize that many if not most will voice the opinion that women are immune from pornography, lust, and various forms of sexual temptation. It’s a lie and I wish there was more of an avenue for these struggles to be worked through for women. I think the starting point would be for the church to acknowledge and accept and “preach” the reality that sin and temptation does not attack based on race or gender. We are all susceptible to failures of varying degree. Luckily, we all have the same God who has sent His Son for those mistakes, addictions, and failures. We all have access to transformation, regardless of what the struggle is…and regardless of who we are, man or woman.
a heart set on pilgrimage 