A Little Spoon Waiting For A Big Spoon

I want to write, but the only thing on my mind is the relationship status I have posted on my Facebook:  “Single”.

This past week I went to Reno for a company meeting.  On the first night there we had a welcome reception.  Everyone and their spouses attended for appetizers, drinks, and socializing.  I ran into a plant manager that I worked for a few years ago.  He introduced me to his wife and then asked if I brought anyone with me.  No, I didn’t.  Do I ever?

A few weeks ago a friend made a passing comment about how content I was and how at peace I seemed when it came to relationships.  Perhaps I am content at times, but inwardly I rollercoaster over the reality of my singleness.  There are days and times when do feel at peace reflecting on my lack of romantic relationships.  Empowered, even.  There are other days, however, when I find myself frustrated, confused, filled with longing and desire.  If I’m honest I can confess those days where I scope out every guy in a room, assessing potential.  Yup, some days I’m that girl – the ones the authors of Christian dating books warn against and tell you to never become.  Yup, that’s me, probably all of us at some time or another.  

I’m surrounded by other singles who I know have longing.  I hear it in conversations, I see it in actions taken with the wrong guys/girls.  I have longing too, you know.  I hurt too.  I want them to know that I’m not a superwoman who has it all together.  I’m in the same boat…part of me hurts for all of us sitting at the single table.  

I recently prayed with a friend who is  probably walking into the beginning of the end of a relationship with the wrong kind of guy.  She sincerely hurts, and as we prayed I also got choked up thinking about the turmoil in her.  She spoke about how she doesn’t want to miss out on what God might do in this guy’s life…you know, to turn him around.  I later told her that it was okay (and normal) to acknowledge her hurt over the idea that the end of this relationship is, once again, the beginning of singleness.  Singleness – that time in life when you just don’t know who or what God has on the way…or if that person even exists. 

I recently read that God will sometimes allow revival or spiritual highs to help give strength to get through those times we spend walking in the valley of  everyday life.  Maybe that idea can also be applied to our walks as single people.  We all will experience moments of strength where we completely embrace our single life.  We experience freedom from the paralyzing, unmet desires of our hearts…and it’s great!  But perhaps, more often than not, we find ourselves in the valley of longing and desire.  As we may spend much more of our time there, remember the heights to which we’ve been and meditate on them as we walk through (not around or above or below…but THROUGH) those valleys of longing and desire.  Those memories mark divine moments in our walks with God…when we focus and reflect upon them we are by default also focusing and reflecting on Him and what He’s done.  Bringing that perspective into the forefront of our minds will help to refocus our attention away from the circumstances of today (walking in a valley of loneliness) and back on to God.  I know we will begin to see glimpses of Him and His presence with us in that valley…and that should offer the strength and ability we need to walk on in a way that is still glorifying to Him. 

I thinks its naïve to expect those longings and desires to never awaken.  I that eventually we will all walk through a valley or two (it may be singleness, or a job, or illness, or whatever).  It’s not whether we hit that valley that matters…it’s how we journey through it – the decisions we make, the actions and responses we have, and the focus of our minds; that’s what really matters. 

I’m walking in that valley today.  Walking strong…stumbling along…regardless I’m continually being held up (or picked up) by God.  For that I am ever grateful.

The People Not Seen

 “I am an invisible man.  No. I am not a spook like those that haunted Edgar Allen Poe; nor am I one of your Hollywood-movie ectoplasms.  I am a man of substance, of flesh and bone, fiber and liquids- and I might even be said to possess a mind.  I am invisible; understand, simply because people refuse to see me.”

 Ralph Ellison penned these words in the opening chapter of his book, Invisible Man.  I love them, brutally honest, yet also something I think many out there can relate to.  There are many people who fall between the cracks, those who live lonely, isolated lives – seemingly invisible to the world around them.  In Christian circles and Churches these are often the people who are considered “on the fringes” or the EGRs (extra grace required).  I won’t go into my annoyance of such titles in this post, btw.  They are there, and we probably don’t realize it because we look around and beyond them…not seeing them…or not willing to chance on showing love and care for them. 

 Today I had the privilege of talking to a guy I would say is “on the fringes” at my church.  When I see him, almost always he stands alone watching the large mob of people stand around him.  He comes into church and sits alone.  He walks in alone and after a few token “hellos” from people, he grabs his coffee and then walks out…alone.  He’s also a 75 year old man who wears woman’s makeup and earings.  

 I’ve watched this guy for a few years now…praying for him…weeping for him.  Today I had the opportunity to talk with him for a good 25 or 30 minutes.  He shared with me a little of his life and how he used to work in the radio industry as a sound engineer.  I shared with him my story and assured him that I wasn’t talking to him simply because I wanted to immediately change who he was.  As our conversation ended I was able to get him to smile and laugh…it was nice.    

 Having been raised mostly by my grandmother who died in 2003 at the age of 87, my heart goes out to him, not just as a person, but an elder who is so stinking lonely.  I thought of how much I would want someone to love my grandmother if she were in his shoes.  I walked out of church this morning and spent much of the day contemplating the reality of this man, our conversation, and wishing I could show him the love of Jesus…even if it’s never said, but only lived out.  For a moment today I even wished that my husband was here…I wished that I knew him and that he would share a similar heart for loving people.  I thought of how we could have my [our] new friend over for dinner so that he wasn’t always eating alone, or that we could invite him over for lunch after church so that he wasn’t always walking out alone.  I thought of how limited my ability is to love the people I have met because I am a single woman and I try to be cautious about maintaining healthy boundaries especially with men.  Perhaps it’s all the weddings I went to this weekend, but I prayed as I thought of how all that could change if my husband was walking alongside me…loving and wanting to love the people on the fringes – especially those who are seemingly invisible to everyone around them…everyone except Jesus.   

 I don’t know what to do with my new friend, but I’ve been praying for him long before our first conversation today.  I guess it’s pretty evident that now, more than ever, I should be praying for him and the work that God could do in his heart- always remembering that its not my job to change him or anyone, but it is my calling to love and to show the love of christ to all…especially those invisible children of God…the ones standing on the outside looking in .

Matthew 25:31-40
“When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his throne in heavenly glory. All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.  “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’  “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’  “The King will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.’ “

Abba, First and foremost I want to thank you for your eyes and your heart. God I thank you that you see the things we try to shield from our eyes – the depravity of the world, the lost children, and those who stand on the edges of our lives and especially our churches. Thank you for loving them before they could ever be loved by another and even before they could love themselves. God give them us the eyes to see and the courage to love beyond ourselves. I pray that as your scripture writes…we would reveal our love for you through our love for others. I’m sorry that we ignore so many of your children…I pray that your grace would compell us to wake up and love others as we know you first loved us. Father I pray for my friend. I pray that you would help me to love him as your child and that his heart would slowly be broken. God I pray that you would allow him to see and receive the sincerity of a human heart that’s chasing after yours.