2010 – Year in Review

2010 was definitely a year to remember.  As with all of life, it was full of ups and downs; great laughs and quite a few tears.  I’m sure that there are plenty of memories that I’m not capturing here, but I did want to highlight a few.

2010 Highs:

• Winning an IPod at my work’s safety kick off conference
• Getting snowed in at my friend’s house and getting to know his family
• Mixed Tapes
• Pho date with Bill and the night he asked me out.
• Mid-afternoon drinks with Claire at Pussers
• Colleen giving me a tour of the community garden that her and Joel started and specifically the conversations.
• Camping, swimming in lakes, and looking at old trains
• Leadership training in Chicago.
• Glee, Modern Family, Weeds.
• Turning a project idea that I’d been forming for almost 2 years into reality and watching the results impact our plant’s bottom line.
• Disney with my classmates – dinner, dancing, bars, and swimming pools.
• Dressing up as Lady Gaga and having no one recognize me.
• Girls prayer nights and hearing Thuli’s testimony.
• Taking a journey through the Psalms
• Orzo concoctions with Hannah
• Helping (watching) Claire pack with Hannah and Diana
• Room renovations/remodling
• Wine and Ice Cream with Claire and Hannah.
• Finding a new church that I’m really excited about.
• Hearing a co-worker fart only to blame it on a stinkbug.
• Great laughs with co-workers.  It really makes my plant a great place to work.
• Watching friends step out, go on adventures (Claire), and getting involved with ministries that they’re really gifted for (Colleen).
• Diana & Jordan’s Engagement.

2010 Lows

• Falling on my friend’s computer (sorry Shane) and hurting my side.
• Never-ending tire troubles.
• Going to St. Michaels 4th of July weekend.
• Church confusion & spiritual struggles.
• Deciding to leave the church plant
• Saying good-bye to Claire as she left for New Zealand
• Homework
• Long work hours
• Folding laundry
• Breaking up
• Starting over (or feeling that way).
• Lack of parking when I get home from school.
• Getting in a car accident

2010 HUHs?

• The speedo runner of Annapolis…who runs everyday, even in the winter
• Watching people you’d never expect hook up
• The dent on the passenger side of my car…and not knowing how in the world it got there.
• Unanswered prayers and trusting nonetheless…
• Not understanding what’s so confusing about the phrase “I can’t date you, I only want to be friends”.  Some guys just don’t get it.
• I still don’t understand why I can do so much laundry and still have so much left to do 🙂

Like I said, I’m sure there are memories that I haven’t posted.  Some intentionally, some I’m just not recalling.  If I look back, I realize that it wasn’t such a bad year.  Some of the lows were really hard lows, but the highs were great.  Like I said, this is life…enjoy it, learn from it, and keep moving forward.  I can’t wait to see what 2011 brings.

 

Trying To Make It In A Man’s World

Later this month, August 26, we will celebrate 90 years since the 19th Ammendment was ratified to allow women to vote.  It was a long journey for women leading up to that vote, and it’s been an even longer journey ever since.

I grew up with mostly boys.  I was the tom-girl that played football, climbed trees, and raced the boys…hoping that one day I just might beat them.  In college I was an engineering student.  The imbalance of men-to-women was seen very clearly.  While chemical engineering held the best guy-to-girl ratio (60:40), it was clear that I was setting myself to stay in the minority.  As if engineering itself wasn’t enough, I found myself walking into an industry that is well rooted, established, and by extremely male dominated.  As my work experience grows, I can’t help but aknowledge the tension that I feel as a woman living in this world today.

I recently started reading Women, Work & The Art of Savoir Faire by Mireille Guiliano.  In it she attempts to communicate to women business sense and sensibility, all the while aknowledging that men and women are different…and those differences are seen not only in the obvious population percents, but also in the less obvious ways of how things are handled and communicated.

In the first couple chapters I began to notice (which she also parenthetically acknowledged) that in trying to drive home points, she uses stories and analogies that women will relate to.  The one that stuck out the most was her use of cooking a dinner to articulate one of her points, noting that had she been one of her male peers, she would have used a sports analogy.

Her example immediately took me back to a luncheon I attended a week ago, where one of the directors made a reference to baseball during our conversation.  I had no response, no rebuttal, nothing.  I know NOTHING about baseball…nor can I even remember if the team that was mentioned was his team, or the rival of his team (sorry!).  I can usually hang if it’s about football…but baseball?  I’m screwed!  I don’t think I’m alone…

Think about it, camaraderie, rapport, and business relationships are often built on the golf course, or over a few beers discussing sports.  Where does that leave those women who have goals and aspirations, but don’t play golf or know the difference between the Red Socks and the Redskins?  Perhaps tea or coffee is much more their flow?  Families and yoga, perhaps.

Women have made so much progress in the traditionally male-dominated fields, but I must say that the uphill journey isn’t over and we’ve got a long way to go.  Understanding the way people build relationships is only one key to sustaining the progress that women have already attained.  Working in a male dominated business industry, it might seem as if the only way to do that will be to push your interests and passions aside for the sake of entertaining theirs.  I’m not sure that’s the most effective route, but I’m also not advocating that the men in the world must now bow down and begin to communicate and attempt to relate to women as they are most easily relatable.

I’m not sure I have any answers, but I do think that regardless of who you are trying to engage, the best place to meet is somewhere in the middle ground.  Think about it, (to draw from my mathematical understanding) the shortest distance between two points is in the middle of the line that connects those two points.  Whether you’re talking the differences of men and women or the differences that are found across the generations (another hot topic in business these days), it takes effort on part of all involved to build those relationships, and perhaps we should be open the reality that in 5 or 10 years it might not happen on the golf course.  Perhaps it’ll happen over facebook or on a blog, or maybe it’ll happen in the company sponsored yoga classes.  It doesn’t mean that we can sit back and expect everyone to bend to us…sometimes it means that we step out and learn a little about baseball, or know how to ski and play golf.  Perhaps it means that we stumble our way through a conversation on cooking or the newest blockbuster, that also happens to be a little on the chick-flick side of the spectrum.

I’m not really sure what this will look like for me personally, but it does remind me that as a young professional who aspires to grow in my career, it won’t always be as easy as building relationships with my girlfriends.  We can’t expect to only connect with our mentors over Starbucks and tweets, but we shouldn’t always have to know everything about baseball, or hockey or whatever for rapport to be built.  Maybe it’s about understanding those around us, being willing to share a little about ourselves, and being ready for whatever change may bring to what we think we understand of navigating the worlds in which we work.  Whether the Redskins will be better than the Ravens this year might clinch the connection today, but change is inevitable, and other avenues might be better utilized in the future…recognizing and appropriately responding to what those are is anyone’s guess.  And for that we all, young and old, male and female, must be ready.

An Offering to The Lord

“What Shall I render to the Lord
for all his benefits to me?
I will lift up the cup of salvation
and call on the name of the Lord
I will pay my vows to the Lord
in the presence of all his people”
(Psalm 116:12-14)

The Lord is good.  Despite all that is wrong with life and the world – the things I fail to comprehend this truth stands firm – The Lord is good.  He had done amazing things in the lives of his followers.  I’m thinking of the full spectrum of lives that his followers hold.  The Billy Graham’s of the world to the countless martyrs who live only to face immense suffering and deaths.  This includes all the simple people in between…the people like me.

When I started reading this psalm today I found myself reading these lines over and over.  For all that God does for us (and for some, in light of unanswered prayers and suffering they face day in and day out,  it may not seem like much), what can we offer in return?  What does God need?  He’s God, anything he needs or wants I’m sure he could produce himself.  What could I, a simple person with little super-powers (I’d like to think I have some. ha.), offer him in return for His continual presence in my life?

As I read this verse, I couldn’t help but think that perhaps the only thing God wants in return is the devotion of our lives (vs. 14), that we wouldn’t keep secret the salvation and restoring relationship made available through Christ (vs. 13) and that we would praise him – giving Him the Glory due His name (vs.13 & 14).

There are times in my life when I’ve been much better at doing this…much better than today.  There were times when I couldn’t hold in the Jesus that I had come to know, wanting everyone around me to know him also.  Times when praise seemed to roll off my lips so naturally…and bringing him Glory was my biggest desire.

Today I don’t know where I stand.  If I compare it to how it looked before, I would say I’m not doing so well in these areas.  If I don’t compare it to how it looked before, I would be inclined to say that I’m fine…it just looks different because I’m in a different place in this journey and a different person and my relationship with God is different now than before.  I’m not sure which is the case today.  My hope is for the latter.

“O Lord, I am your servant.
I am your servant, the daughter of your maidservant
you have loosed my bonds
I will offer you the sacrifice of thanksgiving
and call on your name
in the presence of your people
in the courts of your house, O Lord
in your midst, O Jerusalem
Praise to you, Lord
(a prayer interpretation of vs. 16-19)

Life Lesson #2: Don’t Pass By Signs for Lost Dogs

Last night I had a great picnic on the lawn of St. Johns with a few girlfriends.  We talked about dreams and passions we have.  We reflected on the stress and burdens that seem to be hitting us and everyone around us.  As night set in, we prayed.  A little while later, 3 of us (myself included) were left to set up a “date night” on the docks in Annapolis.  Missing an I-pod we thought it might be possible to convince one of the many random guitar players to go play some romantic music for the couple.  Eventually we came upon this one guy who started to sing about us as we stood in front of him.  Deciding that his music style wasn’t exactly romantic, we walked away.  

Something told me to go back so I did.  I mean maybe he could play something sweet and romantic.  When my friends realized that I had actually entered into a conversation with this guy and probably wouldn’t walk away, they came back over to join me.  Over the course of about 1.5 hrs of conversation we began to learn that the musician was actually very sick.  The person that appeared drunk in person was actually rather philosophical…and extremely talented with the application of metaphor to allude to deep, profound things.  Another thing that came out of our conversation was the reality that this man falls asleep every night not knowing if he will wake up the next day.  Dealing with the advanced stages of Hepatitis, this guy described himself as being long past “his time”.  He shared with us the reality of a divorce, disease, bad decisions, jail and watching people die.  He proudly showed us pictures of his tomato plants and kept pointing our attention to a very simple picture that he had drawn on the sidewalk using chalk.  As the three of us stood there talking to him, the Lord used our gifts in very different but very clear ways.  The Truth of God was shared with him. 

As we got ready to leave, the musician requested that we listen to a song.  He sang about being lost and how we were sent to help him find his way (the fact that he had a compass tattooed on his arm brought even deeper meaning in my mind).  In exchange for letting him smoke another cigarette, one of the girls asked if we could pray with him.  We took turns praying…I went last and led him through an off-the-cuff version of the sinners’ prayer.  I was feeling very heavy and cried over this man who didn’t believe he would be alive in the morning.  As I looked up, tears were streaming down his face and he too began to pray.  We said our goodbyes and encouraged him to come to a dinner that was happening the next evening.  He left us with a very emotional exhortation to share what we shared with him with younger people.  He also told us to pay attention the next time we see a sign for lost dogs…he thought it was very important that we didn’t just walk by, but rather took notice to those signs we see advertising a lost dog.  

As we turned to walk away, I stopped and went back one more time.  This time answering a question he had posed to me very early in our conversation: “what is your best memory?”  I told him that my best memory was the day I realized I wasn’t alone, but that God was with me no matter what pain or hard time I faced.  He looked at me with tears welling up yet again and said, “That was a very good day”.  

I have no idea if this guy woke up this morning.  I have no idea if he is living another day, waiting to die, but I know that God moved last night.  A guy that we might have very easily overlooked (and almost did) carried with him the same heartache, confusion and pain that we (the girls) had spent the evening discussing – the difference was that he was facing the reality of death in a way that we never really consider…and he was facing it without the revelation of Christ.  Where he stands today, I do not know…but I do know that the Truth landed on his heart and broke through…what God did with that man in the time following our interaction is between the guy and God.  

His closing exhortation weighs heavily on my mind today.  “Don’t just pass by signs for lost dogs…stop and pay attention”.  We see these signs all over the place.  Lost dogs.  Lost cats.  Owners frantically seeking out their lost pets…pets that are more like family members than they are mere animals.  How many of those signs do we see?  How many do we stop and actually read?  

It’s the same with people you know.  There are so many people that we pass by every day.  So many are hurting far more than we could ever imagine.  So many are lost and wanting to find their way.  In Luke 15:4-7 Jesus shares this parable: 

“Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Does he not leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’ I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent” 

We are surrounded by those that are lost and so many of them God is looking to reach.  We are the conduit through which He intends to reach them…if we are willing.  Even still, how many times do we actually take the time to stop and pay attention?  How often do we just walk on by?  

As the man tearfully pleaded, “don’t just walk by signs for lost dogs…stop and take a minute to pay attention”.  Don’t continue to walk through life, absorbed in your own little world.  Take a moment to notice the lost around you…take a moment to pay attention.  Don’t just walk by, stop and listen to their story.  Take a minute to pray with/for them…you’d be amazed at the power of God working in the heart of a “lost child” he’s trying to welcome home.  

“I will give you a new heart and will put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.  And I will put my spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees…you will be my people and I will be your God.” (Ezekiel 36:26-28)

My Lovely Trench

I have a friend that jokes about me being in the trench.  Well, I think he’s joking…partly.  THE TRENCH, you see, is my job.  It’s working in Corporate America.  It’s working for “the man”.  It’s being subject to the hours and requirements of a boss and overall organization.  While all of this sounds a little bad…it’s not, really. 

I find it funny, the thoughts and things I have been weighing out lately.  When I became a Christian I started scoping out seminaries, thinking I would work for a year and then head off to Seminary or jump into ministry of some sort.  By the time I graduated, I was thinking more specifically mission work in Japan.  By 2005, I was dying to get out of my job and start raising support.  What I find interesting is that my prayers reflected my “dying to get out” mentality.  I would pray that God would give me an opportunity…and He did…only the opportunity was not to quit my job, but rather an offer for relocation with my current company.  This happened more than once.  By 2007 I was feeling less of a push to Japan and began accepting the reality that God had been moving in my work place the entire time.  You see, the first time I moved I became friends with another young engineer.  She had just become a Christian and was preparing to enter into marriage.  The second move led me to a group of many young engineers…several of which enjoyed talking about theology and God, though many were not Christian in their beliefs.  One of these co-workers went through their first bible study over the last year.  I spent so many years complaining about the trench I was living in, when the reality is that God continues to show up in said trench. 

 Now I’m in a place where I’m mentoring/discipling younger girls, I’m part of a church plant, and yes…I’m still living in that trench.  I guess the difference is (hopefully not complacency) that I’m finally accepting and open to what God may have for me as I continue to reside in my Corporate American trench.  I really enjoy my job.  I like that people at work ask why I’m picky about who I might date, I like that they ask me about Church, I like that I know specific co-workers that I can talk to about Christ, knowing that they too follow Jesus.  I’m accepting that sometimes God shows up and trenches…and I’m also learning that I might actually like the trench I’ve been trying for so long to get out of.  

 A problem, however, remains…

 Part of me feels guilty.  I feel like I should be in ministry.  I feel like I should be in seminary.  I am more and more considering an MBA…and the only thing that holds me back is guilt that perhaps pursing an MBA is selfish…or ungodly.  

 I’m not praying about this as much as I should.  I want to do what God wants me to do, but I’m also wondering if this guilt I have for doing anything that is mildly secular…is from God or is, actually, an unhealthy response on my part.  I see the latter rearing it’s ugly head with regards to other aspects of my life…I just wonder if that’s also the case with furthering my education…preparing for a little more of my life spent in this surprisingly lovely “trench” that has become somewhat of a home.