Psalm 119:132-136

“Turn to me and be gracious to me,
as is your way with those who love your name.
Keep steady my steps according to your promise,
and let no iniquity get dominion over me.
Redeem me from man’s oppression,
that I may keep your precepts.
Make your face shine upon your servant,
and teach me your statutes.
My eyes shed streams of tears,
because people do not keep your law.”

Sin has certainly left it’s mark in the world…and in our lives.  We are continually confronted with temptation, our own sin and the sins of others.  We all have been hurt and carry scars because of the sin that is so prominiant in the world.  Each of us has been hurt in some way or another, whether it is by our own sinful decisions, or the sin of those we think we can trust, those we look to for help and guidance, those we love and those who say they love us.  It is a painful plight in our world, this side of heaven.

As I read the last verses of this passage, I couldn’t help but think of the maiden in Song of Solomon.  She went out seeking for her beloved and found watchmen.  They were the watchmen of the city, those who were called to protect the city and the people within it.  The watchmen found her while she was looking for her lover, and their response was to “bruise her” (Song of Solomon 5:6-8).  I’m not sure what it means exactly that they bruised her, but I do think it’s interesting to note that the word specifically states that they also took her veil – something that was meant to be removed by only a woman’s husband.  Some might say that the removal of the veil is symbolic to the transition from virginity to a consummated marriage, which would also go along with the idea that the veil itself should only be removed by one’s husband.  With this in mind, I can only think that the bruises she received were nothing shy of harmful – physically and emotionally.  I also wonder if it was an attack, in the least, on her sense of purity or intimate connection with her beloved.  Scripture doesn’t say explicitly, but deductive reasoning makes me wonder…

Regardless of what those bruises are for us, we have all been hurt.  Luckily Christ has brought redemption and a renewal of purity for those who put their faith in him.  A redemption that can only be bought with His blood that was shed on the cross.

Today I stand, bruised and beaten in ways that I would not wish on anyone.  Images of past sins committed on/to me and the sins I myself have willingly partaken in flood my mind and my sense of being.  I’m not alone in this.  I also stand in the Light of Christ – and am being made whole through Grace.  I have a sense of eternal wholeness, but I still carry scars from those sins past and present.  I still find myself hurt and confused by the deceit, manipulation, and sin (intentional or not) that I see and experience – especially by those that I look to for friendship, help, guidance, counsel, love, etc.  To varying degrees, all Christians do.

What is my response to this?  What should our response be?  For me, I long for heaven and the promises it holds.  In Revelations 21 it states:

“Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”  He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”

Our response…to rejoice in the saving power and love of Christ, to give Grace as we receive Grace from our Lord.    I long for heaven, but until I am called to go, I long for God’s presence, the times I sit with him and His word that is always waiting for me to read, think upon, and love unashamedly.

An Offering to The Lord

“What Shall I render to the Lord
for all his benefits to me?
I will lift up the cup of salvation
and call on the name of the Lord
I will pay my vows to the Lord
in the presence of all his people”
(Psalm 116:12-14)

The Lord is good.  Despite all that is wrong with life and the world – the things I fail to comprehend this truth stands firm – The Lord is good.  He had done amazing things in the lives of his followers.  I’m thinking of the full spectrum of lives that his followers hold.  The Billy Graham’s of the world to the countless martyrs who live only to face immense suffering and deaths.  This includes all the simple people in between…the people like me.

When I started reading this psalm today I found myself reading these lines over and over.  For all that God does for us (and for some, in light of unanswered prayers and suffering they face day in and day out,  it may not seem like much), what can we offer in return?  What does God need?  He’s God, anything he needs or wants I’m sure he could produce himself.  What could I, a simple person with little super-powers (I’d like to think I have some. ha.), offer him in return for His continual presence in my life?

As I read this verse, I couldn’t help but think that perhaps the only thing God wants in return is the devotion of our lives (vs. 14), that we wouldn’t keep secret the salvation and restoring relationship made available through Christ (vs. 13) and that we would praise him – giving Him the Glory due His name (vs.13 & 14).

There are times in my life when I’ve been much better at doing this…much better than today.  There were times when I couldn’t hold in the Jesus that I had come to know, wanting everyone around me to know him also.  Times when praise seemed to roll off my lips so naturally…and bringing him Glory was my biggest desire.

Today I don’t know where I stand.  If I compare it to how it looked before, I would say I’m not doing so well in these areas.  If I don’t compare it to how it looked before, I would be inclined to say that I’m fine…it just looks different because I’m in a different place in this journey and a different person and my relationship with God is different now than before.  I’m not sure which is the case today.  My hope is for the latter.

“O Lord, I am your servant.
I am your servant, the daughter of your maidservant
you have loosed my bonds
I will offer you the sacrifice of thanksgiving
and call on your name
in the presence of your people
in the courts of your house, O Lord
in your midst, O Jerusalem
Praise to you, Lord
(a prayer interpretation of vs. 16-19)

Finding God Around The Coffee Maker

“And I – in righteousness I will see your face; when I awake, I will be satisfied with seeing your likeness.
(Psalm 17:15)

 God is beautiful.  This weekend was an amazing weekend with friends, fun, music, good conversations, and good fellowship.  At the same time, I experienced deep within my soul, a battle I thought I had long overcome…a battle over me and specifically, my identity.  It came on ever so softly, but through some very honest conversations with my accountability partner and a dear friend of mine, I realized the fear that was beginning to seep out from me was rooted in that battle and that perhaps, must to my dismay, the war was not over. 

 Last night I found myself humbled and in awe of God and his desire to speak to us.  He does not settle for mediocre, almost there, children.  No, His sanctification is persistent and is one that penetrates deep within to cleanse and transform us from the inside out.  I recognize that any wisdom and knowledge I may have today is only by Him…and is for the Glory of Him, I see this because in moments like this weekend I am reminded that I’m still a work in progress and have a very, very long way to go.  God has brought me so far, but still is not satisfied with the sin and chains that remain.  His work must go on…as hard as that might be…He will not stop until He has made right all that sin has made wrong. 

 Last night, through the story of David and Bathsheba I was challenged to look at my own heart.  Our hearts must be filled – either with God or something else – it MUST be filled.  David, in the eve of his adultery, and in his own passivity, allowed His heart to become filled with things other than God.  The result of that, we see, were his adultery, his lying, deceit, and even plots for murder as described in 2 Samuel 11.  Introspection found me as the question, “what is filling your heart today?” echoed in my mind.  I want it to be God, but the fear and insecurities that surfaced this weekend reveal that maybe He’s not what I’m filling my heart with right now.  I resonated with the link of passivity or complacency in David’s life and in my own life right now.  This honest look reminded me as to just where the stuff this weekend had come from and challenged me to again start filling my heart with God and his word.    

 I refer back to my opening sentence:  God is beautiful.  I may not see all that God is doing.  I know that He has been trying to work in a specific area of my life…the one I keep most closed off for a while now.  Looking back almost a year I can see His Spirit subtly trying to penetrate, purify, and redeem a specific part of my life (maybe my own passivity is linked to my desire to keep that areas “hidden” from God and the work of His Spirit). 

 Have I mentioned how persistent God is? 

 Today, in the beautiful way that is God’s alone, He reminded me that even in the moments where I am most passive…His Spirit continues to work.  My reluctance, my fear, my insecurities, my own desire to run – none of that is greater or bigger or more powerful than the will of His love for me, the movement of His Spirit, nor the work of His hands.  As I stood around the coffee maker this morning, a co-worker of mine shared about the wonderful weekend he had on a leadership retreat this weekend.  I began working with this person in my last position.  Since 2006 I have watched him and his family begin to seek God more seriously and have witnessed the fruit of God’s faithfulness and a joy that only the Spirit can bring.  I have watched that joy grow in His eyes.  Today, I met that joy again.  Coming off of a time of fear and confusion with regards to things that had been stirring around me, the faithfulness of God in this man’s life, met me in an unexpected, but much needed moment.  I don’t fully understand it, but peace overcame me, and I was able to take in the hand of God and trust that He’s got it all under control…in my co-worker’s life…and even in mine. 

 I thought the verse from Psalm 17 was fitting for the moment.  I saw the face, the hands of God standing around the coffee maker this morning.  The fears that lined the pages of my journal last night faded away and once again I became satisfied in knowing and believing all that God is.