So this is another little note/reflection about my recent trip to Haiti.
As my supporters know, my heart and prayers leading up to the trip were for the girls in the orphanage. I was hoping and praying that God would show up, someway, somehow with the older girls that I would meet.
So I get there and the first day, we go to a park where all the kids are playing. I see a group of girls gathered together. Having prayed for them for weeks prior, I thought it was a perfect opportunity to break the ice. I walked up and tried to have a conversation with them. Let me tell you, these girls were tough. They didn’t really seem like they wanted to talk to me, or the other women from my team who followed me over a few minutes later. I’m not gonna lie…it was a little awkward.
Eventually, games started up and we all went on our merry little way…
That night as I journaled and prayed, I asked God, “what happened?” I mean, I had been praying for these girls…and I got walls and distance from them. Perhaps in their minds, we were just like most other people who would come in for a short time and leave. Their apparent distance made sense, but it didn’t help my feelings of “defeat”, so to speak.
Over the next several days there was one girl, Oline, who continued to come across my path. She was younger, and so would have been off my radar (according to “my plans) if it hadn’t been for the fact that she approached me to say hello and she spoke English fairly well. Also, she had distinctive barrettes in her hair, so every time after that first encounter I would not only remember her name, but also her face. Whenever I saw her I made a point to talk to her…often teasing and joking with her about climbing trees and eating the fruits from the trees.
Thursday was a holiday so we hung out with the girls at the girls’ home. Oline, came over and sat with me holding a picture book that some other team had made for the kids. She showed me the pictures and told me about the kids and people in the book. When she closed the book, she saw something written and began to read it to me.
The passage was Isaiah 61. She stumbled on a few words and asked me how to pronounce them. After a line or two…and at each line or two she would stop and ask me what it meant. Isaiah 61 is about Jesus, so I was able to talk to her a little about that and tell her about Jesus and what he wanted to do with the people who believed in Him. Later that afternoon we took the kids to a nearby park. Wearing the proper shoes, I decided that I would climb the trees with her. While climbing our 2nd tree she started to ask me about my family back home. I shared with her that my dad left my mom before I was born and that my mom had gotten really sick and died when I was 14. She also asked about my brothers and sisters…I told her I had none. Since she asked me the question, I thought it was okay at that time to ask her the same questions. She told me that her mom had gotten sick and died also…I’m guessing that’s part of the story behind her being at the orphanage. By this point other kids were climbing up the tree and wanting to talk to us so I let that conversation come to a close, without going any further.
Later that afternoon, we had all gone over to the swings and were swinging and talking. At one point she asked if I would be at summer camp that summer. I told her no and that I had to go home in a few days. She looked down at the ground and ran off.
I had other encounters with her and she hung out with me listening to music for a while the next day…our last full day there, but I’ll never forget her response to that last question. And this is what has me perplexed now.
I think about the responses of many of the older girls and Oline’s seeming disappointment when I told her I had to go home in a few days. I can’t help but wonder where the value lies in short-term mission teams working with Orphans. Granted, our team did much to help the ministry in very tangible ways, but with the kids themselves, do short-term teams just perpetuate the reality that many of them have learned throughout their lives – that people will come and go? Will short-term teams just encourage their self-preservation and defense mechanisms, making it more difficult for them to trust and learn about authentic community? I see the relationships that the long-term workers have with the kids and it’s really good…and I think the Lord uses that greatly in the lives of these kids and I know the Lord is sovereign and wanted us there (without a doubt), but I still struggle with the impacts of these short-term mission teams working at orphanages.
I have a good friend who works with World Orphans. Him and his wife are preparing to go to Thailand in 2012 to do similar work, only for long-term. I can’t wait to work through these thoughts and ideas with them. Maybe it’s just my own inner turmoil because of how God has wired me to serve His People and how I typically approach lay ministry and missions in general…or perhaps there is something to this that is valid. Right now I’m not sure. I am so thankful for those conversations I had with Oline. And I’m thankful for the encounters I had with all the girls – The LORD opened my eyes to things that I’m not going to share in this post. All of it was good, even though I had to take myself and my hopes/plans/expectations/agenda out of the picture in order to see it.
This is the part (or story) of my trip that kills me in a ministry sense, knowing and having a passion for growth and Godly transformation that must occur over a longer time, but only being present for a week in the lives of these kids. This is a take-away and “struggle” that I wasn’t expecting, but continue to process through now that I’ve had this experience.
a heart set on pilgrimage 